Did you hear that?

That is a BIG sigh of relief…..WE HAVE A HEARTBEAT!!!

Gabriel and I went in for our ultrasound today and our tiny little blueberry has a strong heartbeat of 127 bpm.  FANTASTIC!

My chance of miscarriage has now dropped to 5-10%, which I’m more than happy to take!

I even got a bag – the coveted bag my OB/GYN gives out to newly pregnant women, which includes magazines, books and class information.

I walked out of the ultrasound room to be greeted by my nurse and secretary with big smiles, congratulations and THE BAG!

We’ll have weekly ultrasounds for a few more weeks, which I am not complaining about.

So….where does that leave this once infertile girl?

Not sure.  I am not planning on documenting each step of the pregnancy, at least not here on the blog.  Mostly because I know I have many close friends that are still struggling in their process and the last thing I need to do is throw it in their faces…it’s going to be hard enough on them seeing that I’ve had success and they are still waiting for theirs.  This process has taught me a valuable lesson on how I will share my happiness over this pregnancy with those not quite there yet – I’m sure I won’t be perfect, but I will try my hardest to be sensitive and compassionate.

For a short time, I’m signing off…..this momma needs to rest 🙂

My devoted fans

Sorry – I’ve been slacking!

It’s been a long time since I’ve last posted, but honestly, there is not much to say.

Yes, as of today, I am still pregnant.  My blood work is all coming back nicely, but the real truth will be the ultrasound tomorrow afternoon.  Until then, all we do is wait.

Waiting sucks.  Some may think that in my world, that would be fine.  I am so active, I could just do something to keep myself busy and before you know it, the wait would be over.  But, no!  That’s the kicker – I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING!  And it’s driving me bonkers!

No hiking.  No running.  No skiing.  No biking.

I will find out tomorrow if I’m allowed to swim, which will finally give me an outlet to enjoy something outside of reading, knitting and watching re-runs of 24.  Despite my best efforts, Gabriel is holding true to his beliefs of not having cable, so I’m stuck with any shows I can find on Netflix.  Luckily, teaching at the University has taken up a good chunk of my time so I have that.

Given that there is nothing new to report, I figured you didn’t need to hear about my boring life.  I promise I’ll update once there is more to know.


Did you hear that??  That was my big deep breath in.  I’ll be holding my breath now until tomorrow’s ultrasound 🙂


I have three “friends” (both close friends and acquaintances) that announced their pregnancies this week.  Two naturally, one from IVF.  Despite the fact that we are all pregnant, I only have things in common with one of them.  A dollar goes to anyone who can guess which one!

The simple truth is that trying to get pregnant naturally versus with help from ART (assisted reproductive therapy) is completely different, and until you have been through this end of things, you will truly never know what it is like.

But that goes for everything in life, so I shouldn’t complain, right?  I don’t know what it is like to get the bronze versus the gold medal in the Olympic marathon, or only get elected as the Vice President versus President of the United States.  But I do know what it is like to want something so bad, do everything in my power to make it happen, and still not be able to achieve the final goal.

I envy those who are able to get pregnant both quickly and without distress.  I covet my friends and family who have not struggled to get what they longed for while quietly spiting (or sometimes not so quietly) their easy process.  But at the end of the day, when we are both pregnant, we are not the same, and I’ll tell you why.

Finding out you are pregnant after IVF is so different than I had imagined it all going down two years ago when Gabriel and I first got serious in our talks about starting a family.  I pictured it happening quickly, with me casually taking a pregnancy test one beautiful snowy morning, and although I would be excited, waiting until the perfect moment a week or two later, to surprise Gabriel with a card that said something to the effect of “congrats, Daddy!” and a picture of the positive pregnancy test.  I pictured what I would be wearing (looking skinny and beautiful, of course – hey…it’s my dream, so back off), Gabriel would look at the card, then look at me, then look at the card again, with tears in his eyes, and we would blissfully enjoy the weeks of us sharing the secret before spilling it to family and friends.  Nine months later, a baby would arrive and our story would just be beginning.

And for many couples, I bet this is similar to how their stories play out, beautiful characters and all.

Thousands of dollars, hundreds of needles, 50+ ultrasounds, 20 months, 10 pounds, 2 miscarriages and 1 surgery later, we still have not begun our story.   And with IVF, the story is never the way you picture it.

With natural conception, no one necessarily knows you are trying to get pregnant, whereas with IVF, missing work, injections and the mere process is impossible to keep a secret.  With natural conception, you can take a pregnancy test in the privacy of your own home without anyone knowing.  With IVF, your nurse calls you after you’ve had a blood test to give you either the great or devastating news.  And, even after that, you go for additional blood tests every 48 hours to confirm that your numbers are rising the way they need to be.  With natural conception, most obstetrician’s will see a new pregnant patient anywhere between 8-12 weeks into the pregnancy.  With IVF, you are monitored every week, starting around 5 1/2 weeks.  There are so many “hurdles” that you have to jump over to feel even the slightest bit of relief that the pregnancy will be a success.

So, a natural pregnancy could not be any more different than mine.  While I am excited that we have passed the first 3 or 4 miles in our pregnancy marathon, there are 22+ more to go until we cross that finish line.  Symbolically, we could run out of water, sprain an ankle, hit the wall, or suffer from the ever-dreaded bleeding nipples during this long marathon, so in no way are we placing the medals around our necks and or smashing the champagne bottle at the finish line.

Instead, I am optimistic that my hormone blood levels will continue to rise, assured by every little pregnancy symptom I feel, and hopeful that each ultrasound will show growth week to week.

Because for now, that is all I can do.



Got milk?

I’ve kept you all waiting long enough.  So, here it goes………………………..

No wine for me for 9 more long months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is still SUPER early, but I knew when I started this blog, along with the (amazing) support throughout the IVF process, would also come the fact that I would be sharing either good or bad news early, especially in respect to when other couple’s typically share this type of news.

With that said, please control your excitement.  Although we are overjoyed with these initial results, there is still a high chance of miscarriage, as with any early pregnancy.

So, no congratulatory emails, calls, balloons or flowers, please, it’s just easier this way.

Although, now that I think about it, I really do enjoy homemade chocolate cake with homemade butter chocolate frosting and Gabriel loves any bold Belgian-style microbrew (oh, how I miss thee), so feel free to show your excitement with the above listed items 🙂

I will have my first ultrasound in a week and I’m sure if all is well with that, we’ll feel even better about an eventual happy ending.

Until October 9, 2012 – cheers….with a cold flute of Pol Roger Brut 1998, eh hem, I mean a cold glass of milk, of course 🙂