No offense

Disclaimer: Melissa Silverman, and all entities associated with Melissa Silverman, mean no harm by anything I am about to say.

Pregnant people and people with children really annoy me.

Ok. I said it. Feel free to shoot the messenger. The truth is, lots of women dealing with infertility issues feel this way but are too afraid to say it. So, I now pronounce myself the messenger.

Honestly, I’m happy for most people who are pregnant or have children. And when I say most, I mean those people who are friends or family (or even friends on Facebook). The remaining 50% who don’t fall into the “most” category? People I don’t know…those walking around the mall, 3 bratty kids in tow, about to pop any moment…the 16-year-old high schoolers who “didn’t know the condom broke”….and my favorite, the women on the show “I didn’t know I was pregnant” who spend 40 weeks not knowing they were pregnant and show up the hospital with stomach pains. Ugh – you annoy me.

Everyone else – YES, I AM HAPPY FOR YOU! But, let me tell you something. It is hard for us who can’t/might not/won’t get pregnant or have children of our own. I love hearing your stories of early morning sickness, seeing your swollen belly or holding your child while you just “grab a quick bite”. But you guys suck! It seems like all my friends are pregnant right now. No joke – All my friends! It seems like there must be something in the vodka. Why have I been busy drinking wine all these years when I could have been drinking the vodka?

It’s hard to fake excitement for someone when you are pumped full of fertility meds – I swear some chauvinistic 50-something reproductive endocrinologist sat in a lab concocting these medications. It seems that the medications primary purpose is to drive infertile women crazy with the secondary purpose to make women ovulate. They make you bloated, sweaty, hungry, tearful, gassy and miserable all at once – now that is what I call the perfect medication if you want to feel good and fit into that “perfect little black dress”. Now imagine that, mixed with late night facebook posts of, “baby (fill in your last name here) does not like this cold weather…he/she is kicking like crazy when I just look outside the window at all this snow”. Ugh. Gag me with a spoon. Why can’t you just say that YOU hate the cold weather. As if that baby even cares….he/she is all snuggled up there in their warm amniotic fluid, not thinking about the blizzard outside your window.

But, again, no offense!

8 thoughts on “No offense

  1. Ugh. And yes. Yes yes yes yes yes! My absolute favorite are the women who bring their toddlers along with them to the fertility clinic where I go three times a week for my ultrasound @ bloodwork to see how things are going. They’re there for the same reason, trying to get pregnant. But they’re getting pregnant AGAIN. Greedy brats. No offense!

  2. First, I heart your blog. A ton. I just found it today, and I am really enjoying reading it. Hope that’s not creepy.

    Second, I know what you mean about being annoyed. I went in for a repeat beta yesterday to confirm my levels were at 0 (I had a chemical in October), and one of the nurses at the lab was EXTREMELY pregnant. If I was a normal fertile woman, this would not have bothered me, but there is nothing normal about my infertility or the fact that I had a miscarriage. I want to run and hide from pretty much every pregnant woman I come in contact with. It was not a great time to see her big ol’ baby belly. I keep telling myself that other people’s lives don’t stop because I can’t get pregnant, but that still doesn’t make it any more fair. I think it’s really hard not to be annoyed these days.

  3. Maybe you’re not meant to have kids. Quit fighting nature. If You’re body simple isn’t built for child-rearing, why not either adopt or get over yourself. You’re sacrificing the joy of parenthood for a silly 9 months of “cooking” a kid. Giving birth is not the wonder everyone makes it.

  4. Fertile Myrtle, while I respect your right to voice your own opinion, I think you’re a coward for doing it anonymously. If you have something to say, stand up and say it.

  5. People make this into such a personal argument. Body isn’t built for making kids… So what??? It doesn’t make you less of a mother. In fact the birthing and labor experience is the worst experience of my life, all 3 times. My babies are worth it, but it’s not something I would wish on anyone. I want more babies, but I am not going through pregnancy and labor hell again. <3 adoption. Also, yes, I am a coward. There are too many predators on the internet to expose me or mine.

  6. I am just soooo sick of the infertility cries. Nature does what it does. I don’t believe fighting it is good for mental or physical health. 3 times I almost died giving birth. 3 times I got pregnant while on birth control. First time the pill, second time depo provera, third time IUD. Your body does what it wants. There’s so many beautiful children in the world that don’t deserve to be passed over because they didn’t share genes or the pregnancy experience. It simply isn’t fair and it comes off as superficial and entitled in my opinion.

    • I know this is an old post but I just had to ask Fertile Myrtle this question. If there’s so many beautiful children in the world that don’t deserve to be passed up because they don’t share genes, then why didn’t you adopt instead of having 3 bio kids? It seems it’s always the people with biological children that say “just adopt”. Why is it only infertile people that are expected to adopt? And your logic that infertility is nature’s way of telling you something is completely ignorant. You must also believe that ppl who have cancer are meant to die, it’s nature’s way of telling them they shouldn’t be alive or if you die in a car accident, well sorry that’s just nature’s way….I hope none of your children deal with infertility as adults, bc it would be that much harder to deal with, with a mother who thinks as you do about infertility.

  7. This is interesting. While I can’t begin to know what it is like to go through IVF/infertility troubles nor pregnancy and birthing I am currently hearing all about it from a relative. What I find frustrating is that this relative wants me to care, and I do, (here’s the but) BUT, she has not once asked me how I am doing, what I am up to, etc. I’m sure not all people who are infertile are as close-minded as this, but it is frustrating that my relative believes she is the only one going through any hardships. Do you hear the single people constantly berating fertile people for having children? I don’t! Yes, I’m single and childless. At the end of the day you get one shot at life and if you spend most of it being miserable about not having children and not taking delight in children that you can give back, then it is a pretty meaningless existence anyway. Make the most of it, whatever your personal situation, but don’t make others feel guilty for making the most of their lives.

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