Question?? Could you take this blog, remove the words infertility or anything pregnancy related and replace it with whatever it is you might be struggling with? Maybe weight loss, divorce or addiction?

I’m assuming there is probably a good chance most people could. Because I can’t possibly be the only one who is going through a rough/difficult/stressful time right now?

Whatever the word, if you feel there is something in your life that you are wrestling with, and it even slightly consumes your thoughts, you can probably relate to what I’m going through.

Why do I bring this up?  It’s not to make you feel bad – I promise…I don’t believe in misery loves company.

But, I think we can relate.

As you can imagine, infertility is something that consumes most of my thoughts, and although it would be an exaggeration to say it consumes me every moment, it is something I think about at least a couple of times every day.

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving today but it seems that I just can’t shake the “I want to be pregnant” bug.  For example…

Gabriel and I ran the Missoula Turkey Trot this morning and at the finish line, I saw a woman my age who was pregnant. In reference to our slower-than-average pace (which I’m going to blame on the ice, obviously!), a girlfriend of mine jokingly said “I bet that pregnant girl beat us”.  Funny line, right?  The not-so-funny thing is that I was thinking “I wish I was pregnant this Thanksgiving…why is that bitch so lucky”.

Later tonight, while sitting around the dinner table, a friend of mine asked my father-in-law (who happens to be a child and developmental pyschologist) how it is that children learn to walk, which was apropos as her 1-year-old daughter is just learning that skill.  My father-in-law, speaking exclusively as a professor, answered immediately with what he presumed was a good analogy…”well, how did your body know how to get pregnant?  It’s all biology”!

Now, again, if this comment had been made two years ago, I would not have even blinked an eye.  But, given my current situation, I thought (sarcastically, of course…thank goodness it was just to myself rather than aloud)…”well, not every body KNOWS how to get pregnant so mind your own business dude meanie“.  

Almost immediately, my loving in-laws and husband shot me looks, as if to say “we are SO sorry”.  But, here’s the thing…I DON’T WANT THEM TO BE SORRY!  It is not anyone’s fault that I’m not pregnant, including myself and people should not feel sorry about mentioning pregnancy around me.

I guess what I am trying to say it – people should not feel bad for what it is that I am struggling with.  I think my goal of this blog is to increase societies awareness that there are many struggles in life, most of which people deal with in silence.  But rather than feel bad for people, just be aware that they struggle and that is OK!  It is good to be a loving member of a support system but not feel you have to change their suffering.

So, on this beautiful evening, I am SO very thankful for my friends and family that are MY support system.  They know I struggle and are there to “give me a look”, pat me on the back or just be by my side when they know my crazy, unconscious, self-depricating thoughts are just that….thoughts that will hopefully be a distant memory sometime soon.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone – I am one lucky girl – knocked up or not 🙂